Chapter 19

Wednesday - December 25, 2002

"hey, Merry Christmas" Nick said to me with a smile as I stepped off the plane in Marathon. he came over to me and pulled me into a hug, kissing the side of my face "how was the flight?"

"ok" I said "you sure about this Nick? Thanksgiving with your family was one thing. but to barge in on Christmas? that's a completely different thing"

Nick just shook his head at me "I told you, the family is psyched that you're here" he said, taking my bag from me "in fact, mom was the one who asked me what you were doing. when I told her you were just staying home she flipped out. told me to make you some reservations and get your ass down here. so, that's what I did"

"you chose now to start listening to your mother?" I asked him, climbing into the Escalade

Nick laughed "when she's right, she's right" he said "Kate, I promise. everyone is fine with it. the girls cant wait to see you again and neither can Aaron and Dad. it's fine"

"did you pick up presents for everyone for me?" I asked. I figured it'd be easier for me to just have Nick get their presents and then I can pay him back, since I hardly even know them - never mind trying to pick out a present for them

"I told you that you didnt need to get them anything" he said, turning into his driveway and waiting for the gate to open

I turned and just gaped at him "I swear to God Nick, if you didnt get presents like I asked you, you can turn this fucking truck around right now and I'm going back to Lauderdale" I said, pissed

"chill out woman. I got 'em." he said

"look at me" I said. he ignored me and drove through the gate "Nickolas"

"what!" he said, turning to glare at me

"did you buy them presents from me?"

"yes!" he said. I looked at him for a second. ok, he's not lying. I let out my breath and nodded. at least that's one thing to be happy about. I'm still not sure about barging in on their family for Christmas. "was I supposed to get myself one too?"

I turned and looked at him, having to laugh "no, you friggen goof. I got yours" I said

"good thing" he teased me, pulling up to his parents house. we climbed out of the truck and walked up to the front door "we're here!" Nick screamed as soon as the door was open. I just shook my head at him. he certainly does like to make an entrance, doesn't he.

within seconds the whole Carter clan was around us, basically pushing Nick out of the way to greet me and hug me, all of them wishing me a Merry Christmas. Nick just stood off to the side, laughing

"nah. I dont think they wanted you here" he muttered to me under his breath

"shut up" I said to him with a glare then turned to look at Bob and Jane "thank you so much for inviting me down here. you didnt have to do that"

"stop. of course we want you down here. there was no way in hell we were going to let you spend Christmas alone." Jane said, leading me into the living room "originally I spoke with Nick about him getting you a ticket to fly up North to see your parents, but I think he liked the idea of having you down here better"

"ma" Nick groaned behind us

"oops. was that a secret?" she teased him and Nick just rolled his eyes

"are you hungry hon? we can eat before we open presents"

"what!" Nick and Aaron both yelled, looking appalled at the mere fact of waiting.

I just laughed "presents first is fine with me. I'm like a little kid on Christmas morning" I admitted

Bob and Jane laughed "Bob, go get in your spot honey and start handing out the presents" Jane said to Bob.

the kids all sat down on the floor and Nick sat with me on the loveseat "so, you wanted me down here huh? I thought you said it was your moms idea" I teased him

he actually blushed and laughed "dont tease me or else you wont get your present. and you're gonna want it" was all he said to me.

"really? cool" I said with a laugh, watching as everyone stared opening presents.

the next two hours were spent opening presents. I dont think I have ever seen so many damn presents under one tree! everyone liked what I got them (or rather what Nick got them). I'll have to be sure to thank Nick for that later! they each got me something as well, just little things but I was touched that they thought to include me.

"ok, girls, let's let the guys clean up and we'll start breakfast" Jane said, standing up.

I went to stand up but Nick grabbed my hand and pulled me back down next to him "she'll be right there ma" he said to Jane

Jane just nodded then all of a sudden everyone was out of the room "what?" I asked Nick

"I have to give you your present" he said

"uh, you did" I said, picking up my Brass Monkey t-shirt that he got me and showing him

"that's what you think I got you? just that?" he asked with a laugh

"I was hoping. I told you not to get me anything expensive and I meant it Nick"

"whatever. here" he said, reaching on the floor next to him and handing me a box. I just looked at the box then glared up at him "at least open it before you yell at me, ok?"

I just looked at him for a second then shook my head and opened the box "what is this?" I asked, picking up what looks like a plane ticket.

"open it up and read it" Nick said

I opened it and saw that it is indeed a plane ticket. to Mexico for March 13 through March 23. "Mexico?" I asked him

"yup. I'm playing there the 13th and 14th then I'm off tour. so I figured what better way to end the tour then a week in Mexico with my best friend. once I do the 2 shows, we can go anywhere in Mexico that you want. it's all up to you"

"Nick......" I started

"I already talked to Kris and had her talk to Jeanne for me. you're officially on vacation for those days, so dont worry about work."

"I told you not to get me anything expensive" I mumbled to him. Christ, all I got him was Shaun King Tampa Bay Bucs game shirt.

"hon, stop. it wasn't expensive"

"to you maybe" I mumbled

"I want to do this, ok? I want you to see Mexico. I asked Kris if you had ever been and she said she knew you went to Acapulco when you were a kid, but you've never gone there since. let me be the one to take you there" he said, looking at me

I stared at the plane ticket for a minute. it's not that I dont appreciate it, because I do. and the fact that he wants to bring me there is great. what's bothering me most is that if this sweet, generous man wasn't my best friend, he'd be the man of my dreams. I sighed then looked up into his eyes, seeing him looking at me expectantly "thank you" I said, leaning over and giving him a kiss on the cheek

"so, does that mean you'll go?" he asked

"yes, goofball. you're gonna get your way yet again. I'll go." I said with a smile

"sweet!" he said, helping me up then we went into the kitchen to help with breakfast.

***************

"shit, we gotta go Kate. we gotta get to my house so I can go on air" Nick said to me at around 9:30pm

"on air?" I asked him, clueless. what the hell is this man talking about now?

"yeah. I'm doing the top 10 at 10 from my room for JoJo" he said.

ok. like that explains everything. whatever. I turned to Jane and gave her a big hug. "thank you so much for today. I had a great time" I said, truly meaning it.

she hugged me back just as hard "we loved having you. dont think that it needs to be a holiday for you to come down here, missy. anytime you want a weekend away, our home is open to you. even if Nick isn't here, ok?" she said to me

before I could say anything Bob was standing next to us "we mean that hon. you're a part of our family and we want you to feel comfortable enough to come down here. with or without Nick, ok?"

I smiled at both of them "thank you. that means a lot to me" I said

"ok, come on. we gotta go. like now" Nick said, looking at the clock

"for Christ sake Nick. you live a mile down the driveway. we have time to say goodbye to Katie, I'm sure" Jane said

Nick sighed but didnt say anything, just standing there impatiently as I hugged everyone goodbye. once I had hugged everyone Nick took me by the arm, called goodbye to everyone then dragged me out to his truck.

as soon as we got in the truck Nick peeled out and raced down to his house. he grabbed the bags then dropped them right in front of the front door as soon as we got inside. "I gotta get ready to go on air. make yourself at home" he called to me, walking down the one hallway

"yeah, ok" I said with a laugh, sitting down on the couch and turning on the TV. "Katie! come here!" Nick yelled to me after about 20 minutes or so.

I stood up with a laugh and walked down to his bedroom. "what?" I asked him

he smirked at me then turned to talk into the microphone "ok folks. she just walked in the room. now, if she'll get on air or not I cant promise. Katie, the fans wanna say hi" he said to me. I just stared at him. that sneaky bastard! he's fucken live on air right now! I just shook my head no at him "she's being stubborn. let's listen to number 2 and see if I can convince her to talk to y'all. you're number 2 song is 'Like I Love You' by Justin Timberlake"

"what the hell was that?" I demanded as soon as he took the headphones off

he just laughed at me "callers were asking me about you. asking if we were really friends. it kinda slipped out that you were down here with me and now they want you to say hey"

"kinda slipped out?" I asked him. he just shrugged "you do know that it'll be all over the net tomorrow that we're fucking. hell, even your own mother thinks that!" I said, actually none to happy about all this. I can only think of one thing worse than being known as 'Nick Carter's hero' and that would be to be known as 'Nick Carter's whore'.

Nick just looked at me for a second, starting to look sorry "I'm sorry Kate. I didnt think about it like that I guess" he muttered

I sighed at him. who the hell can stay mad at him when he gets that friggen sad face?? "fine. I'll go on air. after TRL back in October I certainly dont want your fans to think of me as a bitch" I muttered, sitting down next to him

"you're not a bitch" he said, putting the headphones back on "welcome back everyone! guess what! I got Katie to say hey to y"all. say hi Katie" he said to me with a grin, pulling me towards the microphone

"hey everyone" I said, feeling stupid. I'm saying hello to people I cant even see.

"tell everyone what you did for Christmas Kate" Nick said with a grin

I had to laugh at him "well, actually this real goofy guy got me a reservation to fly down to Marathon for the weekend. so, basically I spent the day with a goofy guy and his great family"

"hey!" Nick said "I'm not goofy!"

"uh, yeah you are Carter!" I said with a laugh "ok everyone. he's giving me a hurt look. how about I spent the day with my best friend and his family. that better?" I asked, looking at Nick

"much! so there ya have it people. now that you know what Katie did today, you also know what I did, just in case you were wondering! anyways, it's time for us to play the number 1 song and to let y'all go. it's been great talking to ya! anytime JoJo needs help, I'm free! so, let's see what the number one song is tonight" he took a card out and his eyes went wide. I reached for the card and smiled when I saw the song that's number one "wow! it's me! y'all voted for Help Me to be number 1! thank you! you guys rock! so here it is, you're number 1 song is Help Me by ..... well by me!" he said with a giggle "night everyone! say night Katie"

"night!" I said with a laugh into the microphone then Nick shut it off "so, number one. does that mean I'm gonna have to deal with your over inflated ego the rest of the night?" I teased him

"damn right woman." he said with a laugh, standing up

"wonderful" I said, rolling my eyes then following him out of the room.

Chapter 20

Friday - February 14, 2003

"Kate! hurry up! we're gonna be late!" Nick called upstairs to me

"I'm almost done! stop rushing me!" I called back down to him

"we have to leave in less than a minute to make it to Tampa in time"

I sighed and went out of the bathroom to go to the top of the stairs, glaring down at him "with the way you drive, we'll be fine. give me 10 minutes"

"10?! you've got 5, then I'm leaving without you" he said

"whatever" I muttered, going back into the bathroom as Kris came out of her room and followed me, laughing the whole time

"you know that you're pissing him off, right?" she asked me

"like he's not pissing me off! he told me to be ready by 4pm. it's fucken 3 o'clock Kris!" I said

"Katie!" Nick screamed up the stairs

"I'm gonna kill him" I said through clenched teeth

Kris just laughed "how much longer do you need? 5 minutes?" she asked and I nodded "I'll go down there and calm him down. just hurry up, ok?"

"yeah. thanks Kris" I muttered, going into my bedroom to finish throwing my last minute stuff in my bag. Jesus, when Nick asked me to spend Valentines Day with him I figured it'd be perfect. it's not like it's a date, so neither one of us would have to stress over that. too bad he had to ruin the no stress rule by showing up and hour early and fucking rushing me! men! I did a quick check to make sure I have everything then I grabbed my bag and went downstairs "are we going right to the club or stopping at your house first?" I asked Nick. his friend Tony's band is playing in a club in Tampa tonight so we're headed there for the weekend. Nick is supposed to go on stage and all with Tony and it sounded like fun so I agreed to go with him. besides, it's better than sitting home alone on Valentine's Day and sulking, right?

he glanced at the clock then shook his head "we have to go right to the club now. no time to stop by my house" he said, glaring at me

"you can go by yourself ya know. I dont need this fucken attitude you've got going. what the hell is your problem anyways?" I asked him

Nick looked at me for a second then sighed "sorry. it's not you. I just have some shit on my mind. you ready?" he asked. I nodded as he took my bag from me "later Kris. you sure you dont wanna come?"

"nope. I'm good. got me a date tonight and everything" she said with a laugh

"at least one of us does" Nick muttered under his breath "I'll be outside. hurry up, k Kate?"

"yeah, I'll be right there" I said, watching as he walked out the front door "great. just what I want. a weekend with a moody Nick. this'll be fun"

"he probably hasn't gotten any in a while and it's starting to get to him" Kris said with a laugh

"ok, come on. I dont want to even think about how little or how much he gets, ok? I'll be home Sunday night. have fun tonight. call me tomorrow to let me know how it goes with John"

"I will. have fun. he'll be fine once you get on the road." she said, meaning Nick

"he damn well better be" I muttered, going outside and sighing as I heard him honk the horn. oh yeah, this'll be a fun 5 hours in the car! NOT!

***************

"you got him?" Tony asked me with a laugh, watching as I practically pushed Nick into the Escalade

"yeah, I guess. can you give me directions to his house?" I asked Tony. I had a really great time meeting Nick's friends tonight and hanging out at the bar with them. Tony is a sweetheart and I immediately liked him.

"it's kinda complicated. I can lead you over there though. it's not too far out of my way" Tony said sweetly

"are you sure? I can always just get us to the Marriott and get a room there" I said, not wanting to put Tony out. to say Nick had a 'few to many' at the bar is an understatement. he's fucken plastered. while I'm drunk enough to feel it, I'm not nearly as bad as him. probably shouldn't be driving, but I'll think about that once I get us a place to stay tonight.

"nah. I'm good. I dont want you driving all over Tampa with a drunk pop star and getting lost" Tony said with a smile "just follow me, k? here, let me give you my cell phone number in case I lose you"

"you'd better not lose me!" I said with a laugh, programming his number into my cell phone.

"ok. I'll go get my truck then pull up next to you and honk. it's a black Ford F150"

"thanks Tony." I said, meaning it.

"no problem Kate. I'll be back in a minute" he said then jogged through the parking lot to his truck.

I climbed into the drivers seat of the Escalade and tried to figure out how to move the seat up and how to turn the lights on. this damn truck has more friggen controls than I'm sure it needs! "Nick, how do I move my seat up?" I asked him, trying to shake him

"huh?" he asked, rolling his head to look at me through slits that were once his eyes.

I just shook my head, laughing at him "how do I move the seat up?" I asked him

"on the side. it's powered" he muttered

"of course" I said, reaching on the side and finally feeling the button. I moved the seat up and got it to feel right just as Tony pulled up next to us and honked. I flashed my lights at him then pulled out behind him

"you good to drive?" Nick slurred at me, trying to see me

I just shrugged "I'm the lesser of two evils right now, put it that way" I said

"Jesus. dont kill us" he muttered, about to pass out

"shush." was all I said to him, trying to concentrate on getting us back to his place in once piece.

Tony led me through the streets of Tampa and I could see him checking out his rearview mirror every few minutes to make sure I'm still behind him. Nick passed out almost as soon as I pulled out of the parking lot, so I turned on the radio and tried to stay in my lane. finally after about 30 minutes Tony pulled into a driveway and I sighed a breath of relief. we made it alive and I didnt get arrested. remind me to kiss someone for that tomorrow. I parked next to Tony then shut off the truck.

"Nick, we're here" I said to him, shaking him. he didnt even budge. great. I sighed then climbed out of the truck, going over to his side of the truck and opening his door as Tony came over

"want me to get him" he asked me

"I'm awake" Nick muttered "just help me upstairs"

"I got ya dude" Tony said, gently pushing past me and reaching for Nick

Nick shook his head and tried to push Tony away "Katie" was all he said

Tony sighed and shook his head "dude, you out weigh her by a ton. let me help you in"

"Katie" Nick said again, trying to glare at Tony

"I got him. can you just open the front door for me?" I said to Tony, handing him the keys

"stubborn shit" Tony said to Nick, taking the keys from me and walking up to the front door

I helped Nick out of the truck then he put his arm across my shoulders and I led him to the house. "Jesus hon. you could try to walk a little straighter" I teased Nick as I fought to get us in the doorway as Tony laughed at us

"shut up" Nick said, grinning down at me

I got us in the house and Tony pointed to a staircase off the living room "right up there is the master suite" he said

"thanks" I said to him with a smile

"you got him? I'm gonna head home"

"dude, you're drunk. stay here" Nick said

"I'm fine" Tony said

"why dont you just stay? he's gonna pass out anyways as soon as I get him in bed. I'm not tired yet so I'd enjoy the company" I said to Tony

"you sure?" Tony asked

"yeah. just give me a few minutes to get the drunk up to bed" I said with a laugh, laughing even harder when I felt Nick's hand hit me in the back. I got Nick up the stairs with some effort and finally over to his bed "jeans on or off?" I asked him

"dont matter" he muttered, already trying to curl up into a ball

"wait, get under the covers first" I said, pulling the covers back. "k, get in" Nick got under the covers and I pretty much tucked him in "you good? need anything?"

Nick opened his eyes and looked up at me for a minute. I actually thought he had passed out with his eyes open until he spoke "a kiss" he said softly

"huh?" I asked him. a what!

"I want a kiss" he slurred

"Nick...." ok. he's drunker than I thought

"I wanna know what it would feel like just once."

"Nick, we talked about this. we both decided it'd be best to be just friends." I reminded him. this is not what I had planned for tonight, that's for sure. not going through this with him. "two months or a lifetime Nick. we chose a lifetime"

Nick nodded "I know but .... I just ..... I'm fucking in love with you and it's killing me. I know I'll fuck it up if we take it to the next level. I just want one kiss Kate. please" he all but begged me. I just stood there, staring down at him. Jesus Christ. before I could say anything Nick grabbed my arm and pulled me down to him, covering my lips with his. I stood there frozen for a second then against my better judgment kissed him back. Nick gave me a quick kiss then pulled away from me "love you" he muttered right before passing out.

I just stared down at him for the longest time, trying to get my brain to wrap around everything that just happened. he just fucken told me that he's in love with me, but we'll never be able to 'go to the next level'. fuck him! I glared down at him then stomped downstairs, past Tony and straight for the kitchen. the man better have some fucking booze in this house somewhere! I slammed my way through most of the cabinets before finally finding the alcohol. I grabbed the first bottle I found and poured myself a shot

"you okay?" Tony asked me from the doorway to the kitchen

"wonderful" I muttered, taking another shot

"what ever he said, he's drunk. he's not always the nicest drunk either" Tony said, obviously thinking that Nick said something up in his room to offend me

"he wasn't mean" I muttered. just the opposite. fucking asshole. I took another drink then felt Tony take the bottle from me "hey!"

"talk to me girl. what happened up there?" he asked me

"you dont need to be in the middle Tony. hell, you dont even know me"

"no, but I can tell whatever happened up there, it hurt you." he said, sweetly

"he just .... I asked him a couple months ago why he's never made a pass at me" I muttered

"never?!" Tony asked, looking beyond shocked. I just shook my head no. "Jesus. ok. I want the full story and we need booze. go in the living room. I'll bring the booze"

I smiled at him then walked into the living room, my eyes automatically going to the staircase leading to Nick's room. coward. whoa. where'd that come from?! before I could think anymore about it Tony sat down next to me, handing me a glass "thanks" I said with a smile

"so, what'd he say?"

I sighed and took a sip of my drink. whatever it is, it's damn good "he said that he wanted to, but that he didnt want to fuck our friendship up. said every time he adds sex to a relationship he fucks up"

"yeah, that's pretty much true" Tony admitted with a nod

"so then he said he wanted to ask me one question. if I could have two months as his lover or a lifetime as his best friend, what would I chose? after I thought about it, I realized he was right and I chose a lifetime with him. I know it makes sense Tony, but it still kinda hurts. if he weren't my best friend, he'd be the man of my dreams" I said, finishing my drink and taking more from the bottle. I'm thinking that being numb tonight would be a good thing

"so what happened up there tonight?" he asked, nodding his head towards Nick's room

I frowned, taking a big sip of my drink "I asked him if he needed anything and he said a kiss. said he wanted to know just once what it would feel like. so he kissed me then he passed out" Tony just looked at me, not knowing what to say I think. I smiled at him and shook my head "I'll get over it Tony. dont worry. right now though, I think I need to get drunk"

"you're already drunk" he reminded me with a grin

"ok. so then I need to get drunker" I said, holding out my glass. Tony just laughed then filled my glass again.

two hours later I was fucking plastered and laughing so hard with Tony that my sides actually hurt. I'm glad he was here tonight. at least this way I didnt have to get drunk by myself and he actually made me laugh

"I gotta get to bed. the room is spinning. where's the guest room?" I said to Tony, standing up. Tony stood up and gently grabbed my arm, stopping me from walking away. "what?" I asked him. he looked down at me for a second then slowly lowered his head to mine, covering my lips with his. what the hell! was there something in what those two drank tonight! I thought about pushing him away for maybe half a second, then I started kissing him back. Tony bit my bottom lip gently then moved his lips down to my neck "Tony, wait. we cant. Nick" I said, trying to get my brain to do the thinking instead of my body

"he wont find out. it's cool" Tony said, sucking on my collar bone.

I shivered from the feel of his tongue on my skin and subconsciously thrust my hips towards his "he cant know" I mumbled

"he wont" Tony said, kissing my neck then lifting his head to look at me "yes or no Kate. it's up to you"

I looked at him for a second then slowly nodded "yes" was all I said.

Tony took my hand in his and led to one of the guest rooms. as soon as the door shut behind us, we started ripping each others clothes off while I tried not to think about Nick being right upstairs.

Chapter 21

Saturday - February 15, 2003

I woke up hearing a banging on the door. what the hell? where am I anyways?

"Katie? you in there hon?" Nick called to me

oh yeah. I'm at Nick's. why'd I come down to Marathon anyways "go away" I muttered to him. he needs to let me sleep. my head is pounding, the room is spinning and if I even move I know I'll get sick

I could hear Nick laugh "where's Tony hon? his truck is here but I cant find him"

Tony? who the hell ...... OHMIGOD! I moved my head and immediately saw Tony laying next to me. as naked as the day he was born. oh shit! shit, shit, shit!

"I'll be right out!" I called to Nick, panicked as I sat up in the bed, clutching the sheet around me as I fought the queasiness in my stomach. I cant get sick. not yet. Jesus. this can not be happening! what the hell did I do! before I could even think to wake up Tony to have him help us get out of this mess the bedroom door opened and suddenly I saw Nick staring at us with wide eyes

he just looked at me for a second then his eyes went to Tony laying next to me. "what the fuck!" Nick screamed so loud that it actually made my ears ring

"huh?" Tony mumbled, practically jumping right up off the bed.

I just sat there, staring at Nick with complete fear.

Nick just looked at us for a second, his eyes blazing. he snapped out of his shock and marched over to the bed, actually making me move away from him. he went right over to Tony and grabbed him, yanking him out of the bed "get the fuck out!" he screamed, out of control with rage

"dude, it's not ......" Tony stammered, trying to wake up enough to convince Nick this isn't what it looks like. it's not gonna work Tony. trust me.

"get out!" Nick bellowed, actually shaking by this point.

'dude just ....." Tony started again

before he could finish his sentence Nick hauled off and punched him, knocking Tony back onto the bed

"Nick!" I yelled, stunned.

"shut up!' he screamed at me, glaring at me with pure hatred in his eyes

I cowered against the headboard, actually scared of Nick. I've seen him mad before, hell even at me. but never like this.

"I told you to get the fuck out of my house!' Nick screamed at Tony, lunging for him again

"Nick, dont. please. he'll leave" I said quietly, really not wanting to see them get into a fist fight right about now

"I'm leaving man, honest" Tony said

Nick walked over to the heap of clothes on the floor and flung Tony's clothes at him "you've got 60 seconds asshole" he spat at Tony.

Tony stood up and quickly got dressed, glancing over at me real quick "you gonna be okay?" he asked me quietly

I swallowed and nodded, hopefully looking more convincing then I feel

"I'm not gonna fucken hurt her, prick. but if you're not outta here in 30 seconds I'm gonna fucking kill you" Nick sneered at Tony

Tony glanced at me real quick then he was gone.

Nick just stood in the middle of the room, still shaking and looking like he wants to kill someone. maybe I should have left with Tony. he finally glanced over at me, a completely disgusted look in his eyes "get dressed" was all he said, then slammed out of the room

as soon as he was gone I jumped up and ran into the adjoining bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time to throw up. I stayed in there for about 10 minutes, throwing up everything that was in my stomach (which wasn't much but alcohol) and sobbing. finally the dry heaves were over and I slowly stood up, wanting to be anywhere but here right now. I know Nick's out there waiting for me and I so dont want to go out there and face him. if I really let myself think about it, I'll realize that behind all the rage, there was a definite hurt look in his eyes and it's killing me that I'm the one that put that pain there. I moved around the room real slow, grabbing my clothes and slowly getting dressed. as I bent down to find my shirt I found a used condom on the floor. I didnt know weather to throw up again or to be relieved that at least we used protection. I sighed and picked it up, throwing it out then slowly going out of the room and towards the living room.

"Nick" I said, stunned when I saw him and the living room. it looks like he threw any and every thing he could get his hands on. the living room is a fucking mess and there is a gaping hole in the big screen TV. Jesus Christ

he turned and looked at me with rage in his eyes "what the fuck were you thinking!' he screamed at me. before I could even think to answer he continued to scream at me "he's my fucking best friend Katie! and you fucked him! in my house!"

"I'm sorry" was all I could think to say

"you're sorry! you're fucking sorry!' he screamed

"I dont know what you want me to say Nick. tell me and I'll say it" I begged him

he looked down at me "tell me when the fuck you turned into a whore" he spat at me.

I stumbled back from him as if he had hit me. ok, I know he has every right to be mad, but that was totally uncalled for. "what? I'm not a whore Nick. I had a one night stand. like you've never done that?" I asked him

"not in your fucking house! and not with Kris!" he screamed, out of control again

ok. he has a point there. Jesus. I cant even imagine what I would be feeling right now if I had just walked in on Nick and Kris in bed together "I'm sorry" I whispered, not knowing what else to say to him.

"that's not fucken good enough Kate. not even fucking close" he spat at me then slammed out of the house. I heard his truck start then I heard the tires squeal as he peeled out of the driveway.

***********

"hello? Nick?" I mumbled half asleep into my cell phone once I finally heard it ringing

Kris laughed in my ear "uh, no. wake up hon. you're with Nick and I'm here in Lauderdale" she said

as soon as I heard her voice my throat tightened. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down and glanced at the clock. Nick has been gone for well over 2 hours and I have no idea where he is. or if he's coming back. what if he went home? to Marathon? Jesus. I dont even know where exactly in Tampa I am!

'uh, hello! what're you doing?" Kris said to me, breaking me out of my trance

"sorry" I muttered to her, immediately hearing Nick's voice telling me that 'it's not enough. not even fucking close'

"what's wrong? you sound weird. you hung over?" she asked

"yeah" I muttered, fighting the tears at this point

"hon, what happened? did you and Nick fight?" she asked, hearing the tears in my voice

"oh God Kris. you have no idea" I muttered, the tears breaking free.

"shit. tell me what happened hon" she said

it took me about 5 minutes to calm down but finally I stopped sobbing enough to talk to her "Nick kissed me last night"

"what! when?!" she asked, stunned

"last night when we got back to his house. he was plastered. I followed Tony so he could show me how to get to Nick's house and then I helped Nick up to his room. after I got him in bed I asked him if he wanted anything and he said a kiss"

"a kiss?" she asked, still sounding shocked

I nodded, even though she cant see me. "then he said that he was so fucking in love with me that it was killing him"

"ohmigod" she mumbled

"he said it was killing him but that we could never 'go to the next level' cause he would just fuck it up. so I reminded him that we chose a lifetime as friends over a couple months as lovers. he said he knew that, but that he wanted to know what a kiss would with me would feel like. just once"

"Jesus! did you kiss him?" she asked

"he pulled me down to him. but yeah, I kissed him back" I mumbled

"how was it?" she asked

"good. real good" I admitted.

"ok, so then what?" she asked

"he passed out"

"he passed out! nice!" she said with a laugh "is he mad cause of that? he's gotta understand that he was drunk. you two can work that out."

"there's more. so much more" I muttered

"what else can there be? you said he passed out" she said

I took a deep breath "yeah. once I left the his room I went downstairs and Tony was still here"

"Tony? who the hell is Tony?" she asked

"Nick's best friend. his band is the one we went to see last night"

"oh. okay. continue" she said with a laugh

"Tony could tell that something had happened up there with Nick, so he asked me what was wrong. I ended up telling him about Nick never making a pass at me, us deciding on a lifetime then about Nick kissing me"

"Jesus. how drunk were you?" she asked with a laugh, knowing that I dont normally just tell someone I've just met stuff that personal about myself

"drunk enough. and we kept drinking" I mumbled

"ok" she said when I didnt continue

"this morning ..... when Nick came to the guest room to get me .... we were .... he walked in ...... oh God" I mumbled, fighting the urge to throw up again

"what? hon, tell me" Kris said

"I slept with Tony last night and Nick found us this morning" I said, fast.

she was completely silent for a second "whoa" was all she said when she finally said something "I take it he didnt react to well"

"hardly. he screamed so loud it made my ears ring. then he punched Tony. he just screamed at us Kris. he was out of control. he was actually shaking with rage. I've never seen him that mad"

"I'm sure" was all she said

"once Tony was gone Nick glared at me and told me to get dressed, then he slammed out of the room. by the time I went out to the living room, he had destroyed it. and I'm not exaggerating. he threw something through his big screen TV and shattered it" I said

"Jesus Christ" she muttered

"then I told him I was sorry and he got pissed off again. so I told him to tell me what to say and I'd say it. so he told me to tell him when I turned into a whore"

"a whore?" Kris asked

"yeah. and I told him I wasn't a whore. it was just a one night stand. like he's never done that before. but then ..... he told me that he hadn't done it in my house. with you. Jesus Kris. I dont know what to do"

"where is he?" she asked

"I dont know. he left over two hours ago. I'm not even sure if he's coming back"

Kris sighed and I could tell just by that, that she's pissed at me. either that or disappointed. "I'll call you back in 5 minutes" she said and hung up.

I just stared at the phone. what the hell was that! ok, maybe she's pissed off but what the hell! I sat there with the phone in my hand until it rang again "that was rude!" I said to her

"he's coming back. just stay there. he's trying to cool off right now" was all she said to me.

"you called him? how is he? is he okay?"

"no Katie, he's not okay. he said he had to get out of that house and away from you because he knew if he'd stay he'd end up hurting you. and I dont think he was talking about emotionally." all I could do was gasp at that "he's coming back for you though, so dont leave. he just wants to make sure he's calmed down by the time he goes back there"

"ok. thank you" I muttered

she sighed again "you know I love you, right?' she asked me

"yeah" I said quietly

"then dont take this the wrong way, but you fucked up big time hon. just like he said, it would be like you walking in a finding me and Nick in bed. it hurt hon. it hurt him bad"

"I know" I muttered, starting to cry again

"dont cry hon. just give him some time to cool down and he'll be back. call me if you need me"

"k. love you" I cried

"love you too" she said and we hung up.

Chapter 22

Friday - March 7, 2003

as soon as the plane landed I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I had called Jane last night to see if she would be home this weekend. I know Nick is on tour and wont be home. the only reason I know this is by looking up his schedule online. he hasn't talked to me since that morning at his house in Tampa. while he did end up coming back to take me home, he never spoke one word to me. I've tried calling him, I've tried emailing him - but nothing works. he wont answer the phone and I've yet to get an email from him. what made me decide to come to Jane, I dont know. all I know is that she's Nick's mom and maybe she can help me. maybe she has some ideas as to how I can get him to talk to me. either that or she's going to scream at me like he did and tell me to stay the hell out of their lives. when the plane came to a stop I stood up and grabbed my bag, being the first one off the plane.

"Katie! hi honey!" Jane said with a smile as soon as she saw me. when I got to her she immediately pulled me into a hug.

I smiled as I hugged her back. please let her not hate me after this "I told you that you didnt have to pick me up. I could have walked"

"stop it! all I had to do was drive across the street! all set?" she asked me

"yeah" I said. we climbed into her car and she drove us to the house

"the kids are all away this weekend so I shipped Bob off too. you sounded like you could use a 'girls weekend' when I talked to you" she said as we walked into the house

"yeah. kinda" I mumbled

Jane took my bag from me and put it in the foyer then led me into the living room "so, what did Nick do and is it fixable?" she asked me with a grin as soon as we sat down

"what?" I asked her, shocked

Jane just laughed "well, he's been an asshole since Tampa and if any of us even mentioned your name he freaked out. and now you're here. so, putting two and two together I'm assuming something happened in Tampa. and as much as I love my son, I also know him well enough to know that he messed up somehow”

"it wasn't him" I mumbled, not able to look her in the eyes

"hmm... so what happened then?" she asked

"I'm the one that messed up. and I dont know how to fix it" I said, my eyes tearing up.

Jane immediately came over to me and wrapped her arms around me, rubbing my back softly "tell me what happened and we'll fix it" she said softly

"I'm scared to. you'll hate me just like Nick does" I muttered

"honey, I think you know better than that. otherwise you wouldn't have come down here to talk to me. tell me what happened"

I finally looked up at her and saw nothing but concern in her eyes. I took a deep breath then told her everything that happened in Tampa. by the time I was through telling her everything I was staring at my nails, not able to look her in the eyes. I dont want to see the disappointment and hatred in them. seeing that in Nick's eyes was more than enough

"look at me" she said, gently. I just shook my head no and kept my head down. I felt her hand gently on my chin then she forced my head up to look at her - letting me see nothing but warmth in her eyes "I dont hate you, I'm not upset with you and I'm still here. ok?"

all I could do was nod at her, cursing myself for tearing up again. ok, by this point she must think I'm a blubbering idiot! argh!

Jane reached up and pushed some of my hair behind my ear, getting it out of my face for me. I smiled at her as she did that, remembering all the times my own mother would do the same exact thing to me. "do you want my opinion on all of this?" she asked me softly

"as long as it somehow gets Nick to talk to me, sure" I said with a grin

she laughed "I cant promise, he's pretty stubborn. but I think you need to hear this" she said. I just shrugged and nodded at her at the same time. she just shook her head at me with a smile and laughed "first of all, are you and Nick dating and he's been lying to me about it?"

where the hell did that come from? "no!" I said

"I didnt think so. so then tell me, what right does he have to tell you who you can and cannot have a one night stand with?" she asked me

I just stared at her. is she seriously taking my side on this? cause if she is, she's the first damn person! God knows Nick and Kris certainly dont! hell, even I dont! "what?" I asked her

"you're friends. nothing more, right?" she asked and I nodded "do you tell you're other friends who they can and cannot sleep with?" I just shook my head no "exactly. while you may not always agree with their choices, it's not up to you to tell them yes they can or no they cant"

I just stared at her, actually thinking about what she just said. hmm.. I never even thought of it like that. "true. but it was Tony" I muttered

"ok. granted, that had to suck for Nick to find the two of you like that. but even still, he has no say on who you sleep with. he may think he does, but that's a whole other issue"

I had to laugh at her "other issue? you mean we have more than one?" I asked, rolling my eyes

Jane laughed "yeah you do honey. and it's a hell of a lot bigger than you sleeping with Tony" she said. I just looked at her. oh great. I have a bigger issue and I dont even know what it is! wonderful! Jane just shook her head at me "I see you're a lot like Nick in this sense. you have no idea what your other issue may be, do you?"

I shook my head at her, laughing as she rolled her eyes at me "no" I admitted

Jane just shook her head at me "how about the fact that you are both in love with one another, yet you both insist on being 'just friends'? dont you find that to be an issue?"

I just gaped at her. ok, the one thing I left out from the night in Tampa was the kiss and Nick telling me that he's in love with me. the only person that knows that is Kris. hell, I dont even think Nick remembers it. "huh?" was all I could think to say to her

"who's the first person you call when something good happens to you? Nick right?" she asked and I nodded "is it him you call when something bad happens, when you see something on TV you know he'll find funny?" I just nodded again "now, is he the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you think of before you fall asleep?"

"yes" I admitted, barely above a whisper

"and yet you dont think you're in love with him?" she teased me "honey, I'm sure you've been in love before. you know what it feels like. your whole face lights up when he walks into a room. and he's exactly the same way. you should see the look in his eyes when he talks about you. or when he knows he's going to see you. I can honestly say I have never seen that look of complete love and devotion on my sons face. and you're the person that puts it there honey."

"but we ..... we decided on a lifetime" was all I could mutter

"and why is it exactly that the two of you dont think you'd be together as a couple for a lifetime?" she asked me

"I ..... I dont know" I said, trying to take all this in.

"sweetie, relationships are not easy. both of you have to work at it. what shocks me most is that neither you nor Nick seem to think you can do it. and I honestly think you are both missing out on something beautiful together by denying yourselves a chance to try it"

I just sat there, honestly starting to get a headache from this whole conversation. but there is no denying that the woman is making some sort of sense. Jane stood up and smiled down at me "I know I just threw that at you. maybe you weren't even ready to admit to yourself that you're in love with him, and I'm sorry if I'm making this harder on you. I just .... I dont want the two of you to miss out on this."

"you didnt make this any harder on me. you just gave me a whole lot to think about" I said, smiling at her

she leaned down and gave me a kiss on the top of my head "that being said, I'm going to leave you alone. I'm sure you're tired after working all day then flying down here. I'll show you were your room is then I'm going to leave you alone for the evening. you know where the kitchen is and you know your way around the grounds. go for a walk, go for a swim, anything. if you need me, just call and I'll come running"
I laughed and stood up, pulling her into a hug "thank you" I said to her

"you're welcome. let's get you're bag to your room then you can do whatever you want" she said, grabbing my bad and leading me towards the back of the house.

**************

as soon as I heard my cell phone ring I jumped off the bed, rushing to get it out of my purse before it stops. only one person that calls me has the ring tone of 'Help Me'. Nick. "hello!" I said into the phone after flipping it open. all I could hear on the other end was loud bells in the background "Nick you there?" I asked. still he said nothing. damn it, please dont do this. dont call me after a month of nothing then not talk to me "Nicky, please. talk to me"

"I miss you" was all he said. his words are all slurred and he said them barely above a whisper but I heard him

"I miss you too" I said, holding the phone against my ear as hard as I can. the noise is so loud in the background and I dont want to miss one word.

"I want my best friend back"

"I know. me too" I said to him. I didnt hear him say anything else but I can still hear noise, so I know he didnt hang up "Nick? I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry"

it took him a minute but he finally answered me "I know' he said

ok. at least it's a start. "are you drunk?" I asked him

he actually chuckled "kinda" he said

I laughed. kinda? I'd say he's pretty close to plastered "where are you?"

"Vegas. in the casino"

"are you winning?" I asked him

"not now. I was. but then I started losing so I left the table" he said

"good boy" I teased him

he paused for a second "I wish you were here." he muttered. I sighed. me too Nick. me too. "I gotta go. Ron's glaring at me. people are staring to recognize me"

"Nick, wait. call me tomorrow, ok? when you're sober. please" I begged him

he paused again "I dont know if I can do this sober hon. miss you" he muttered then the line went dead.

Chapter 23

Thursday, March 13, 2003

ok. this is a good idea. I know it is. Jane knows it is. Kris knows it is. well, okay maybe Jane and Kris aren't completely convinced that this is a good idea, but at least they didnt try to stop me. now hopefully Nick will think this is a good idea and not send me on the next flight back to the States. I took a deep breath and walked into the hotel lobby, straight over to the front desk.

"hi, I'm Katie Johns. there should be a key to Mario Perry's room waiting for me" I said to the clerk, hoping she speaks English

"let me check for you Ms. Johns" she said in broken English. I just nodded and smiled at her. please let there be a key for me. please. she typed on the computer for a minute then looked up at me with a smile "I just need to see some identification Ms. Johns then I can give you your key"

"oh, of course" I said. there's a key. maybe he doesn't completely hate me still. I showed her my license and she handed me my key

"you'll go straight through the lobby towards the elevators. then you'll take the elevator all the way to your left. that's the private elevator to the Penthouse Suite. you'll need to punch in this code to access the elevator" she said, showing me the code on a piece of paper "if there is anything we can do for you during your stay, please feel free to ask any of the staff. we are more than happy to make your stay as enjoyable as possible"

I smiled at her, honestly wanting her to just shut up so I can get to the room and see Nick "thank you" I said to her, all but snatching the key and code out of her hand. I gave her one last smile then made my way through the lobby towards the elevators. Penthouse Suite, eh? he damn well better not send me home! I punched in the code then got on the elevator, hitting the only button on the display. as the elevator climbed to the top I started getting nervous again. shit, maybe I should have just stayed down there and talked to the woman that gave me my key. the elevator stopped and I took a deep breath. I can do this. if worse comes to worse, I have a ticket back to Marathon leaving in two hours so I can go to Jane and cry on her shoulder (the only reason she 'allowed' me to come down here is on the condition that I let her buy me a ticket back to Marathon for tonight in case Nick's still pretty pissed at me. can I even tell you how much I love that woman right now?)

the first thing I saw when the doors opened was Nick. I just stood frozen in the elevator, staring at him.

"I wasn't sure if you were coming" he finally said to me in a soft voice

"do you want me to leave?" was all I could get to come out of my mouth

Nick shook his head at me "no" he said. I sucked in my breath. thank God! "give me your bags"

I handed him the handle to the big suitcase then followed him into the room, just looking all around "wow. this is gorgeous" I said to him. Jesus. it's friggen unbelievable!

Nick just shrugged, bringing my suitcase into the bedroom. I just stayed in the living room, walking over to the balcony and looking out at the view. wow. the hotel over looks the city and it's really gorgeous. Nick came back into the living room and I saw him pause. he stood still for a few seconds then he went over to the TV and picked up a controller to a video game.

I turned around and just stared at him. oh hell no. he's not doing this to me. I didnt fly down to Mexico for this shit "are you not going to talk to me at all?" I asked him

"you just got here Kate. I figured you'd be tired" he muttered, not even looking away from the TV

"bullshit. you're still pissed at me and you dont want to talk" I said, starting to get mad "I didnt come down here to get more attitude from you Carter. I came down here to fix our friendship"

"attitude! Jesus Christ, I think you kinda deserve it!" he spat right back at me, throwing the controller on the couch next to him

"why?" I asked him

Nick just stared at me like I have two heads "why? uh, maybe because you fucked Tony!" he yelled

"like you've never had a fucken one night stand!' I yelled at him, seriously starting to get pissed off now

"this isn't about me Kate. this is about you fucking my best friend" Nick spat at me

"fuck you. Jesus Christ. is it so fucken hard to believe that maybe I was horny! Christ Nick, I haven't had sex in months. can you say the same?" I asked him. Nick just looked at me and I knew I at least had him there "when was the last time, huh? a week ago maybe?"

"last night" he all but sneered at me

I just stared at him. last night? as in in this room? oh hell no! this is fucking useless "you know what? fuck it. I have a one way ticket back to Marathon in 2 hours and I'm using it. have fucken fun in Mexico" I said to him, turning to walk towards the bedroom to get my big suitcase

"Marathon? why the hell do you have a ticket to go to Marathon?" Nick asked, grabbing my arm and stopping me from leaving the room

"because the only way your mother would even let me come down here is if I agreed to let her buy me a one-way ticket back to Marathon. just in case you ended up being a complete asshole. good thing she had the sense to not let me fight her on that"

"my mother? what the hell is she doing buying you a fucken ticket back home?" he all but screamed at me. at this point I'm not even sure who he's more pissed at. me or his mother

"because she apparently knows you better than I do! I was convinced that we could get past this. that we could get back our friendship. hell, I was even hoping that you'd fucking realize that Tony or not, it's none of your Goddamn business who the hell I sleep with!" I yelled

"oh right. and who said that? mom?' he spat at me

"actually, yes. she the one damn person that made me see this wasn't completely my fault! yes, it sucked that you had to find me and Tony in bed together but guess what Nick. you dont fucken want me like that, so you have no fucking right to tell me that I can't sleep with someone who does!" I screamed, quickly losing all control "you made me feel like a two bit whore!"

"well let's see. you kissed me then went downstairs and fucked Tony. seems to fit, doesn't it?" he said, pure hatred in his eyes.

I just stood there, stunned. he fucken remembers the kiss? and he chooses now to throw it in my face! never mind I think he just called me a fucking whore - again! "actually asshole, you grabbed me and kissed me. then you fucken passed out."

"I was drunk!" he screamed as his defense.

"so was I!" I screamed

just then we heard the elevator ding. neither Nick nor I even turned around to see who it was. we both just stood there glaring at one another.

"Jesus Christ. I could hear you two screaming at each other the whole way up here" Ron said, getting off the elevator and coming into the room "Katie, nice to see you again hon"

I turned and forced a smile at him "you too Ron. how've you been?" I asked him

he just chuckled "well, no offense to you, but I think my night just got a whole lot worse. Carter, we gotta get to the venue"

"dont let me stop you. I was just leaving for the airport" I said, turning and marching into the bedroom to get my suitcase

"you're not fucking going anywhere" Nick said, following me into the bedroom.

I turned to glare at him and saw Ron sigh and sit down on the couch, picking up a magazine "you two have 5 minutes to settle this. then I'm dragging both your asses to the venue" was all he said, not even glancing at us

"dont you dare talk to me like that" I said to Nick "I'm not gonna spend a week in Mexico fucking fighting with you. I'd rather spend the week in Marathon with your mother. at least she doesn't think I'm a whore"

"oh, and I suppose you left out the part about fucking Tony when you told her about Tampa? made her think it was all my fault"

"actually asshole, I went down there asking her to help me fix my fuck up" I spat at him, grabbing my suitcase.

Nick grabbed the handle out of my hand and threw the suitcase on the floor "I told you that you're not leaving"

"and I told you not to talk to me that way!" I screamed at him. "now give me my fucking suitcase"

"no. you're coming to the venue with me" was all Nick said, turning around and walking out of the bedroom.

"fuck you!" I screamed "why did I even think this might work? you're too much of a child to even try to see things from my perspective!"

"fuck you too woman. oh wait, Tony already did that" Nick sneered at me.

I just stood there, wanting to physically hurt him. before I could say anything Ron jumped up from the couch, glaring at both of us

"that's it! both of you, in the elevator. now" he yelled at us, actually looking quite pissed. "I've had about enough of this shit and I'm not gonna listen to it anymore. Katie, I dont have time to get you to the airport so just get in the elevator. you're coming with us"

I was about to tell him I'd take a cab, but one look at his face and I instantly knew not to fuck with him right now. I grabbed my purse and stomped past both of them, pushing the button for the elevator

"you need the code" Nick spat at me

"shut up!" Ron yelled at him, reaching past me and punching in the code. "get in"

I glared at Nick then got into the elevator, getting into the furthest corner I could and refusing to even look at Nick.

***************

"it's mine" I muttered to Nick as he looked around for his cell phone when he heard the phone ring. those are actually the first words we have even spoken to one another since we got into the elevator with Ron back at the hotel. Nick has been sitting in one corner of his dressing room sulking while I sat on the couch and flipped through a magazine, fuming inside as I replayed our fight over and over in my mind. I picked up my phone and looked at the display before answering it "hi" I said to Jane

"hey honey. I take it you're still in Mexico?" she asked

"not by choice" I assured her, glaring at Nick

she just laughed "how's it going?"

"he's being an asshole. I wanted to leave and he made me come to the venue instead" I mumbled

"who is that?" Nick demanded, looking over at me

"it's not for you" I snapped at him

Jane laughed "did you two talk at all?" she asked

I scoffed at her "right. I talked. he yelled"

"you were yelling at me!" Nick yelled, glaring at me

I just ignored him.

"sweetie, you two have to talk" Jane said to me

"why? what's the use? he's just a friggen pop star who thinks his opinion is set in stone as being right" Jane died laughing as Nick continued to glare at me

"stop fucken talking about me" he snapped at me

"is this your conversation? no" I said to him

"Katie....." Jane said

"he called me a whore" I muttered to her

"what!" Jane screamed, stunned

"I did not!" Nick yelled at the same time

"you did too!" I yelled back at him

Ron looked over at us from his little corner of the room. he's been sitting there reading a magazine since we got to Nick's dressing room. actually, I think he was quite happy when Nick and I weren't talking. at least then we were quiet. "do you two seriously need to do this again right now? he goes on stage in less than a half hour" Ron said with a sigh, shaking his head

"when the hell did I call you a whore?" Nick demanded

"I said you made me feel like a two bit whore and you said that's what I was!" I screamed at him

"Katie, stop. all you're doing right now is pissing him off" Jane said to me

"good!" I yelled at her, then I realized who I just yelled at "sorry"

she just laughed "if it's that bad honey why dont you just come home?"

"I tried! he wont let me leave" I muttered

"is that my fucking mother?" Nick asked, looking even more pissed off as it finally dawned on him who I'm talking too

"let me talk to him" Jane said to me

"what?" I asked her

Jane sighed "put Nick on the phone Katie" she said, using the perfect 'mother' tone.

"hang on" I muttered "you're mother wants to talk to you"
Nick just glared at me then stomped over to me and all but snatched the phone out of my hand "what! ...... ma, you have no idea, ok? ...... it's not just that! ....." he glanced over at me then went towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind him

"asshole" I muttered after him

Ron just shook his head "you're the only one that can get him that pissed off ya know" he said to me

"good" I said, actually quite pleased to hear that right now

Ron just laughed "and you called him a child. imagine" he said

I glared at him but then couldn't help from laughing "I'm sorry Ron. there's no way you should have to deal with this shit"

"I agree, trust me. but it's all good. it's just gonna be a bitch trying to calm him down now" he said as Nick came out of the bathroom with my phone in his hand

"she wants to talk to you" he muttered, handing me the phone

I looked at him for a second then took the phone "hi" I said to Jane

"ok sweetie. you have more issues then even I thought" she said with a small laugh

"huh?" I asked her, confused

"I'm not telling you exactly what Nick and I just talked about but let me just tell you one thing, ok?"

"uh, sure" I said

"Nick's not just pissed off. he's hurt. and when he gets hurt he lashes out. I told him he needs to tell you why he's so damn hurt but I dont know if he's gonna listen." she said. I just sat there listening to her "he also said that if you want to still come home tomorrow he wont stop you. he doesn't want you to leave, but he'll respect your wishes if that's what you want to do"

"yeah right" I said. that's kinda hard to believe right now.

"Katie." she said, warningly

"sorry" I muttered

"I think you need to stay down there and talk to him, but call me in the morning if you want to come home. we'll change your reservation for you and get you here"

I sighed "ok. I'll see how it goes" I said

"good. he's calmed down some, but just try not to fight with him right now. he has a show to do and he doesn't need to take out his fight with you on his fans"

I sighed "I know" I muttered

"ok hon. call me tomorrow if you need me. you know I'm here" she said

"thank you Jane" I said, meaning it more than she knows.

"anytime sweetie. bye"

"bye" I said and we hung up

"show time. let's go" Ron said, standing up before Nick and I could start fighting again.

I just sighed and stood up, following them out of the dressing room and towards the stage.

Chapter 24

Friday - March 14, 2003

"hey" Nick said, walking out onto the balcony with me and rubbing the sleep from his eyes "what time is it?"

"around 7am I think" I said

"damn woman, what the hell are you doing up so early?" he asked, sitting down in a chair next to me

I gave him a small smile. "just thinking. I couldn't really sleep so I thought I'd come out here and watch the sunrise" I said

Nick just nodded, looking out over at the city for a minute "are you going home today?" he asked me quietly

I just kind of shrugged at him "I dont want to stay down here if all we're gonna do is fight" I said to him truthfully. I sighed then looked over at him "I'm sorry Nick. I dont know what else to say. if I had known sleeping with Tony would have ruined my friendship with you I never would have done it"

I saw his body psychically tense up then he took a deep breath "I need coffee. do you want anything from room service" he asked me

"coffee's fine" I muttered with a sigh

he just nodded then went into the room. Jesus, why am I even here still? it's obvious that we're not gonna be able to get past this and still be friends. Christ, he cant even look at me whenever I say Tony's name. by the time Nick came back out on the balcony I had made my mind up to just go home. I'm not gonna stay down here with him and be miserable for a week in Mexico when I can wallow in my self pity in Marathon. at least then I wont be with someone who hates me.

"I'll call the airlines in a bit and see what flight times I can get. if I cant get one until tonight I'll just take a cab since you have to go to the venue" I said before he could say anything

Nick just stood next to me, holding two cups of coffee in his hands and staring down at me. "here's your coffee" was all he said to me, holding out a cup to me

I sighed and took the cup from him "thanks" I muttered

he just nodded and sat down again, not looking at me "did you do it just to hurt me?" he asked finally in a small voice

"do what?" I asked him confused

"sleep with Tony. did you do that just to hurt me?" he asked again

what! "Nick, no. God no" I said, shocked.

"then why?" he asked.

I just looked at him. Jesus. what do I tell him? I certainly cant tell him the truth. it's not pretty. while I'd like to just let myself think that I slept with Tony solely because I was so drunk I know that's not true. a part of me slept with him that night because I was pissed off. pissed off at the fact that Nick told me he was in love with me, but yet we still could be no more than friends. while I didnt sleep with Tony to hurt Nick, a part of me did sleep with Tony in hopes of pissing Nick off. guess I succeeded at that. besides, I doubt Nick even remembers what he said to me that night. he was beyond drunk. I think the only thing he even remembers about that weekend is finding me and Tony together in bed that morning. I took a deep breath and looked down at my nails. "I didnt go downstairs with the intention of fucking Tony. I went downstairs with the intention of getting as drunk as I could. and I did. I knew it was wrong as soon as he kissed me, but I was too drunk and too horny to stop it from happening"

Nick nodded "so it wasn't just to hurt me?" he asked

I shook my head "no. never. I never want to hurt you Nick. it's killing me to know that I did"

Nick silently nodded and I could tell he was trying to figure out weather or not to ask me something. I just sat there waiting, letting him decide on his own if he wants to ask me "are you dating him?" he asked quietly after a few minutes

"Tony!? Jesus no!" I said, not able to keep from laughing "it was a one night stand Nick, that's all. Jesus, haven't you talked to him at all?"

"no" he said

ok, that surprised me. yeah, I knew Nick was pissed at me, but I just never thought he'd stay pissed at Tony "at all?" I asked him

he just shook his head "I was too busy fucking things up with you to worry about my friendship with him" he said with a small smirk. "I'm sorry for losing it on ya that next morning. and for calling you a whore. I didnt mean that Kate. not then and not last night"

"it's okay. you were pissed then last night we were both just screaming." I said

Nick just nodded with a yawn "so, you going home or staying?" he asked me with a grin. looking at him and seeing the grin on his face I knew that we're okay. things aren't perfect but honestly that's okay. right now I just want my best friend back and I think it's gonna happen.

I just laughed at him "oh, I'm so staying. I'm not missing out on a week in the friggen Penthouse Suite!" I teased him

he just shook his head at me, laughing "call mom and let her know I'm not letting you leave. then we're going out. I'm going to take a shower" he said, standing up

"ok" I said, watching him walk into the room. ok, maybe I dont have all the answers I want, but at least I feel like I have my best friend back. it's a start.

*************

"we're going where?" I asked Nick, staring at him like he has completely lost his mind two hours later

"parasailing" he said with a grin

"uh, I'm afraid of heights"

"yep" was all he said

I just looked at him "yep? so basically you're doing this to torture me" I muttered

Nick shook his head "I'm doing this to get you over your fear."

"what if I like my fear" I said stubbornly. damn it, wasn't the Empire State Building enough! Christ, I have no desire to fucking get hooked up to a parachute behind a speeding boat!

Nick just chuckled "do you have your bathing suit on?" he asked

"no" I said

he just rolled his eyes at me "go put it on woman. you're gonna get wet"

"I'll just go in my shorts and tank top" I muttered.

"Kate....."

"Nick, I'm not wearing a bathing suit, ok? my tank top is fine" I said

"Jesus woman, it's got to be at least 95 degrees out there. just put your damn suit on under your shorts and tank top. you know once you get near the water you're gonna want to go in. and I'm not gonna listen to you bitch all day that you should have worn your bathing suit!" he teased me with a smirk

I had to laugh at him, knowing he's probably right. "fine. I'll be right out" I said, shaking my head at him then going into the bedroom. I changed into my one piece real quick then turned around and tried to see my back in the mirror. fucken scars. even though it's a one piece, I can still see them. I sighed and bent down to pick up my shorts off the floor, stepping into them.

"you decent!" Nick called to me with a laugh "I gotta get my wallet"

I laughed "yeah, come on in" I said, looking around for my tank top

"much better" Nick said with a laugh when he saw me in my bathing suit

"whatever" I said, laughing at him. Nick just stood there, looking at me. "what?"

"you didnt want to wear your suit because of your scars" he said

very good Einstein. Jeez. "yeah" I said quietly, spotting my tank top and bending down to pick it up off the floor. when I stood back up Nick was standing right behind me. I started to put my tank top on but he stopped me, reaching out and lightly tracing my scars one by one with his fingertips "Nick" I said, not wanting him to touch them.

"they're not bad Kate. how many times do I have to tell you that?" he asked me, never stopping his feather light touches to them. I sighed and shrugged. we could fight about this all day, so why even start. "dont you get it?" he asked me softly

"get what?" I asked, looking at him through the mirror

he lifted his head and locked his eyes with mine. "the scars .... all they do is make you more beautiful to me because you got them saving me" he said, his voice low and gentle - his eyes never leaving mine

I just stared at him, stunned. Jesus. I dont know where we're headed with each other now, but that has got to be the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me! "thank you for saying that" I said to him softly

he smiled at me in the mirror then leaned his head down to me and softly kissed the highest scar. "I meant it hon" was all he said.

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